


Holt Your Horses

by shishiswordsman



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Puns, Don't Read This, Episode: s01e04 The Fall of the Castle of Lions, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gen, Horrible Puns, Puns & Word Play, Season/Series 01, Takes Place Sometime After, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 14:03:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13168464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shishiswordsman/pseuds/shishiswordsman
Summary: Hunk has a knack for puns. Pidge is so not a fan.





	Holt Your Horses

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a birthday present to my good friend and fellow shitposter, [Arthur](http://arthurvsdesign.tumblr.com/)! Go check out his art, it's gr8!

The mission is a cakewalk — it’s an easy thing, a no brainer, simple as pie. Allura had promised that the last reports of Galra activity in the area were from decafeebs ago, so walking into the abandoned space mine and extracting some mineral samples would be harmless enough for Pidge and one other paladin to do.

She left the choice of her companion to Pidge, and Pidge picked Hunk for his smarts. In retrospect, that was her first mistake.

She’s dragging her feet through a thick jungle with the Yellow Paladin. Hunk’s carrying a pouch that’s already halfway full with different fruit and roots and whatever else he thinks may be suitable as elements for space Cuban food. Lance got out of the healing pod a day or so ago, and they want to celebrate in style.

Hunk counts the ingredients with his fingers as he talks, “— So I think these green carrot-looking things might be spicy enough to give the chicken a bit of a kick, and then we just need something to serve as rice and we’re all set! Do you think I should try to swing cookies, too? We’re out of that root from Artland, but I think I can replace it.”

Pidge nods, hums her agreement. “Cookies sound good.”

“And then some space tea to go with that. Why does that taste so funky, anyway? I’m going to take apart every single appliance in there and see what the big snafu is, seriously.”

“Uh-huh…”

Pidge is staring at the information displayed on her wrist computer, the glowing numbers dancing in front of her eyes. She’s not really listening to Hunk's rambling, so she doesn’t see it coming when Hunk stops her by yanking her back by her arm. When she looks up, eyes blown wide and an accusation hanging off the tip of her tongue, all she sees is a rock twice her size.

Her nose is about three centimetres away from it, and she definitely would have walked right into it hadn’t it been for Hunk.

Pidge blinks. “Whoa. Thanks.”

“No problem!”

“You wanna blast this thing to bits?”

“Sure thing!” Hunk nudges Pidge’s shoulder with his knuckles before steps in front of her, bayard at the ready. Before he shoots, he calls something over his shoulder. “Hey, you might want to step back, Pidge. Or wait, do I call you Pidge or Katie now? What’s like, what do you want me to call you?”

“I don’t care,” Pidge says, because she doesn’t. “Call me Pidge, since that’s what we’re both used to? It’s not like it’s a big deal.”

Hunk nods, his mouth curving in a slight smile, and then his bayard signs and the rock in their path is turned into tiny bits of gravel.

Pidge smiles. It’s only been a couple of days since she told the others about her secret, which probably wasn’t that big of a deal to them, now that she thinks about it. But it was — _is_ — a big deal to her, to Katie. She can now be a Holt instead of a Gunderson again, and the feeling of it is something between liberating and befuddling.

She catches up to Hunk just in time to slash some vines with her own bayard, green light glinting off purple leaves. “I’m sorry I kept it a secret for so long,” she tells Hunk. “Is it weird that I didn’t just say it straight away? Because it’s not, so you can just shut it before you even start.”

“No, it’s not weird.” Hunk shakes his head. A friendly smile spreads on his face, and Pidge returns it.

They walk in silence for all of three seconds, the moment shared between them comfortable and easy. Maybe it’s not weird, after all, even though she’d been so sure that the other’s would make a big deal out of the whole gender thing. Who cares about that, anyway? Pidge gnaws on her lower lip lightly, about to ask Hunk about whether the others have talked about it when she hasn’t been around.

All of a sudden, Hunk laughs to himself.

Pidge cocks her head. “What is it?”

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just… I don’t hold it against you. _Withholting_ information, I mean.”

There’s an odd glint in Hunk’s eye, kind of like the one Pidge’s dad used to get when he’d make a bad jo… Oh no. Processing what her so-called friend said takes Pidge all of two ticks and then she raises one eyebrow, a look of confusion flitting on her face. “Did you just…?”

If the cheeky grin on Hunk’s face is anything to go by, then oh yeah, he just did. Pidge rolls her eyes. “If you’re trying to make fun of my name, save your breath. I’ve heard it all before.”

“Guess it’s not even worth the ef-holt, then.”

“Not if the effort is that poor, no.”

“Huh. Who’d have thought that even the beauty of puns is in the eye of the,” Hunk takes a meaningful pause, his grin wide and annoying as hell. _“Beholter.”_

Pidge drags a hand down her face, her shoulders slumping. “This is going to be a long walk, isn’t it?”

“Not if we move quickly and nothing holts our progress.”

“I wish we get attacked by the Galra right now. I’d rather be having a tea party with Zarkon, for quiznack’s sake.”

“Don’t worry!” Hunk sing-songs, and quiznak, he sounds way too proud for his own good. “We’ll have no holt ups, I’m sure!”

“You’re so annoying,” Pidge groans, throwing her arms out as if to curse the skies above them with her ire. Her hands find their way to her temples, and she pulls on her own hair out of frustration. “If I’d known you’d be like this I never would have told you guys my real name, this is so not worth it.”

Hunk whistles innocently, and the careful look in his eyes tells Pidge that he’d stop if she really, _really_ wanted him to, but she doesn’t. It feels kind of nice to be teased like this, actually; kind of like how she used to tease Matt back home.

Not that she’ll ever let Hunk know that.

Instead Pidge opens her coms, clearing her throat dramatically. “Allura? Please tell me there’s enemy activity nearby and we need to get back to the Castle before Hunk’s puns give me brain damage.”

 _“No, everything looks quite peaceful,_ _actually!_ _Keep walking to that same heading, Paladins, the quarry is still quite far away.”_

Pidge lets a long-suffering sigh wheeze past her lips. “Got it. We’ll be there by dinnertime as planned, then.” The _‘if I don’t kill him first’_ hangs heavy in the air, pressing enough that even Hunk seems to backpedal a bit. He raises his arms in the air, palms toward Pidge like he’s surrendering.

“Okay okay, I get it. You want me to stop.”

“No, I want you to jump off that ledge.”

Hunk grins sheepishly. “Aw, don’t say that. It’s not my fault you can’t appreciate a good wordplay. I can’t just _holt_ off on the puns.”

“Oh. My. _God._ I’ll appreciate them from afar if you don’t give it a rest,” Pidge threatens. It’s a struggle to hide the tug of a smile at the corners of her mouth, but she manages. She activates her bayard, holding it up. The message is clear, but she says it nonetheless. “If you don’t put a sock on it right now, I will shove this where the —“

“Hey hey, no need to take your weapon from its holtster there, buddy,” Hunk says, laughing. “Haha, holtster… You have to admit that’s funny!”

She cracks a small smile. It was pretty funny. “I’m going to show you a nice chokeholt if you don’t shut up.”

“Ha, nice one!” Hunk’s eyes crinkle at the corners with the width of his smile. “You’ll have to stop holting me at bayard point, first.”

“Abort mission, you’re unfriended.”

“No, it’s okay. I still holt you in high regard.”

“Blocked, banned, cursed.”

Hunk laughs, and Pidge gives a small grin despite herself. “How do you come up with this shit?”

Hunk shrugs exaggeratedly. “I have lots of siblings and my mom loves a bad joke. If you think my puns are quality, you should hear hers.”

“Sounds lovely.”

Hunk’s voice is kind of wistful when he speaks, next. “Yeah. They’re all pretty great. Not as great as my favourite holt pal, though.”

Now she really can’t help it, this is too much. Pidge laughs, and Hunk’s entire face lights up when he hears it. Pidge wipes a hand across her face, shaking her head with fond exasperation. “Okay, that was weak. Holt doesn’t even sound the same as old.”

“Can’t all be winners.” Hunk says, nonchalant. “Just don’t holt it against me! Hey, I have a question. What should we say if we see any Galra, how do we get them to stop?”

Pidge makes a non-committal noise. “Beats me. Shoot first and ask questions later?”

“Pidge, you barbarian. Violence is not always the answer. No, we say,” Hunk grins. “Holt! Who goes there!”

“Quiznak, you’re so lame.”

Hunk laughs, and apparently he still has like fifteen more of those in his back pocket. Pidge sighs. They still have a long way to go, and she wants to smack Hunk with her bayard more than she wants space cookies or some stupid minerals.

 She has the worst (best) friends in the whole universe.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy bday, Art! Hope you have a good one o/


End file.
